When Trust Turns Dangerous: How Elder Abuse Develops and How to Spot It

Elder abuse remains one of the most overlooked and misunderstood problems in the United States. Every year, large numbers of older adults experience mistreatment from people they rely on for care, companionship or support. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines elder abuse as an intentional act, or a failure to act, that causes harm or creates a serious risk of harm to an adult aged sixty or older. Research from the National Council on Aging estimates that about one in ten Americans over sixty has experienced some form of elder abuse, although many incidents are never reported.

The harm can be physical, emotional or financial. It can occur in private homes, assisted-living complexes, care facilities and within personal relationships. Many of the earlier articles on this site have already examined situations involving financial manipulation inside marriages, caregiver misconduct and inheritance coercion. Those examples help illuminate how easily abuse can take root when trust is exploited. This article expands on those themes and explores how elder abuse develops, why it often goes unnoticed and what to watch for when caring for or supporting an older adult.

Physical Abuse

Physical elder abuse involves the use of force that results in pain, injury or impairment. Some signs are obvious, such as bruises, fractures, unexplained cuts or repeated injuries that are dismissed with unconvincing explanations. Other forms are more subtle and involve withholding medication, ignoring medical needs, rough handling or unsafe restraint.

A person who abuses an older adult may be a spouse, an adult child, a caregiver or a staff member in a facility. Previous articles on this site have looked at cases where a long-term partner’s frustration shifted into controlling or aggressive behavior during the older spouse’s period of declining health. Those same patterns are present across countless elder abuse reports. An older adult may be unable to defend themselves or may fear speaking out because they rely on the abuser for transportation, meals or daily care.

In care facilities, physical abuse can occur when staff are overwhelmed, improperly trained or not supervised. Neglect is also common, including poor hygiene, untreated bedsores and inadequate monitoring of mobility. Regardless of the setting, the underlying harm is created by the actions or inaction of a trusted person.

Emotional and Psychological Abuse

Emotional abuse can be harder to recognize but is no less damaging. It involves verbal assaults, intimidation, humiliation, isolation or manipulation. It can also include controlling behavior, such as monitoring phone calls, discouraging visits, undermining the older adult’s confidence or making them feel dependent and powerless.

In earlier pieces on this site, stories were shared about caregivers who isolated an older spouse from close friends in order to gain influence over decision-making. These examples are common in real elder abuse cases. An abuser may tell the older adult that family members are unreliable, that friends are not to be trusted or that no one else cares for them. Over time, these tactics wear down self-esteem and create emotional dependence.

Emotional mistreatment often appears alongside other types of abuse. Someone who is financially exploiting an older adult may use emotional manipulation to prevent outside interference. Someone who is physically aggressive may also use threats to keep the older adult silent.

Financial Abuse and Exploitation

Financial exploitation is one of the fastest-growing forms of elder abuse. It involves the misuse or control of an older adult’s money, property or assets without proper consent. This can include forged signatures, pressured changes to wills, unauthorized withdrawals, identity theft or misuse of power of attorney. A study by the MetLife Mature Market Institute found that financial abuse drains billions of dollars from older adults each year and often leads to long-term psychological harm.

Past articles on this site have examined situations where a spouse or adult child attempted to quietly assume full control over bank accounts or retirement savings. These are classic examples of elder financial abuse. However, financial exploitation extends even further when younger individuals present themselves as romantic partners in order to gain access to wealth.

The Rise of Fake Romantic Relationships

One of the most troubling forms of financial abuse involves younger people entering into a romantic relationship with an older adult for manipulative reasons. Although not new, this pattern has grown significantly through online dating platforms and social media. Reports from the Federal Bureau of Investigation identify romance scams as a major source of elder financial loss.

In these situations, the younger person may behave affectionately, appear attentive and flatter the older adult in ways that feel sincere. They may present themselves as loving, supportive or deeply connected. Once trust is established, the requests begin. The older adult may be asked to provide money for emergencies, travel, business ventures or debts. In some cases, the younger person encourages changes to legal documents that benefit them.

Earlier articles shared specific examples of adults who entered whirlwind relationships that seemed joyful at first but soon shifted into financial dependence and manipulation. These cases demonstrate how easily affection can be weaponized when the older adult is lonely, grieving or seeking companionship. When the younger person is attractive or appears desirable, the illusion becomes even stronger and more difficult for family members to challenge.

Sources of Abuse

Abuse can arise in many places, and understanding these sources is essential for prevention.

Spouses or intimate partners
A significant number of elder abuse cases involve long-term partners whose behavior changes due to stress, resentment, declining health or financial strain. This site has covered several examples where financial control became a tool for dominance inside marriages that had once been stable.

Adult children or relatives
Family members may become financially dependent on the older adult or feel entitled to their assets. Emotional manipulation is common, especially when the older adult has cognitive decline.

Paid caregivers and facility staff
Caregivers hold significant access to daily life routines, medication and finances. Mistreatment may occur through neglect, emotional pressure or intentional harm. Several previously published articles have highlighted cases where caregivers slowly gained control over finances while appearing outwardly helpful.

Younger romantic impostors
These scenarios are especially difficult because the relationship may seem genuine. The older adult often feels valued and loved and does not recognize the manipulation. This combination of affection and financial pressure creates a powerful trap.

Warning Signs

Recognizing red flags early can prevent significant harm.

Physical and emotional signs

• Unexplained injuries
• Withdrawal from social activities
• Fearfulness around certain individuals
• Sudden change in mood or personality
• Isolation from family or long-time friends

Financial signs

• New romantic partner who quickly becomes involved in financial matters
• Sudden bank withdrawals or unusual transactions
• New names added to accounts
• Changes to wills or powers of attorney that the older adult cannot explain
• Missing valuables, unpaid bills or confusion about money

Steps for Prevention and Response

For families and trusted friends

• Maintain regular social contact to reduce isolation
• Ask open, nonjudgmental questions about finances and new relationships
• Encourage legal safeguards such as independent financial advisers and regular account reviews
• Be attentive when a new romantic partner appears suddenly and begins discussing money

For professionals and institutions

• Ensure that caregivers are trained and supervised
• Review financial activity for unusual patterns
• Report suspected abuse to Adult Protective Services or law enforcement
• Encourage older adults to involve multiple trusted people in major decisions

For older adults themselves

• Keep personal information private
• Seek advice before sending money to someone new
• Inform family members about new romantic connections
• Review legal documents regularly with an independent attorney

Protecting Our Seniors Starts With Knowledge

Elder abuse thrives in silence, secrecy and misplaced trust. It can happen in any family, across any income level and within any type of relationship. Whether the abuser is a spouse, a relative, a caregiver or a younger person presenting a charming romantic front, the common thread is the misuse of trust that an older adult has willingly given.

The more we understand about the warning signs and the various forms of abuse, the better prepared we are to intervene before harm becomes irreversible. By drawing upon lessons from earlier articles and staying alert to financial, emotional and physical manipulation, families and communities can create a safer environment for older adults who deserve dignity, autonomy and respect.